A smile (from the NYT)

[Todd Wiedemann]

From David Pogue, New York Times, Thursday Oct. 16, 2003:

Dumb Technician Stories

You've probably read a few Dumb User Stories in your time, the hilarious anecdotes of clueless calls to the world's technical hotlines.

You know: "Hello, Apple? My cup holder broke off." "Uh, sir, that's your CD-ROM tray."

Or this: "Hello, Dell? My mouse is squeaking." "Squeaking?" "Yeah — and the funny thing is, it squeaks louder the faster I move it across the screen!" "Ma'am, why are you dragging your mouse across the screen?" "Well, I saw a message that said, Click HERE to continue!'"

This week, I had an experience that made me realize: it's payback time. It may be time to start collecting Dumb Technician Stories.

Having recently moved into a new house, I had decided to spring for Io, the digital cable service of Cablevision of Connecticut — a requirement if I wanted to get high-definition TV channels by cable, which I certainly did. I'd owned an HDTV set for nearly a year, with no HDTV to show on it. (I opted for cable rather than satellite because, once Cablevision's cable-modem discount was included, the monthly bill would be lower.)

The technician arrived this week to swap out my old cable box and install the new HDTV-capable one. The new boxes, he said, had arrived at Cablevision only the day before. I wasn't just the first on my block to get one — I was probably the first in town.

The cable guy plugged in the new box and turned it on — the first time he'd ever done this. A stunning, crystal-clear HDTV picture filled the widescreen set. "Holy jeez!" he exclaimed. "Would you look at that! I never seen anything like it!"

I looked at the bright side: I'd rather hear that kind of comment from my cable guy than my surgeon.

In any case, the box was plugged straight into the TV; my VCR and TiVo weren't in the loop. Which is fine, because they can't record HDTV anyway.

But in addition to the HDTV outputs, the cable box also had standard analog outputs. I asked the guy: "I don't want to throw out my VCR and TiVo. Can't I connect one of the other jacks to my VCR and TiVo, so I can record and watch non-HDTV shows?"

He was nervous and doubtful. "I think you should just leave it the way I have it," he said.

And do without my TiVo? Forget it.

"Tell you what," I explained. "Since this question will probably come up again, why don't I try connecting that second output and give it a test? Either it'll work or it won't. And you'll know for the next customer."

He was really, really nervous now. In fact, he ducked into another room to call his supervisor.

Meanwhile, I hooked up the second output as a test, and it worked flawlessly. I could switch between my TV's two signal sources as needed: HDTV on Input 1, and regular cable TV on Input 2 — with the VCR and TiVO in the loop.

I was just about ready to announce my happy discovery when the cable guy returned, yelling sharply. "Unhook it! Unhook it! Get that cable out!"

I looked at him dumbly.

"My supervisor says you'll kill the HDTV signal! You'll scramble the program guide! You'll corrupt the high-definition channels! UNHOOK IT!"

So I did.

We completed our transaction, he left, and then I re-hooked it. It's been perfect ever since. I can watch my four HDTV channels live in their glorious majesty, or I can record and play back non-HDTV channels on my TiVo or VCR.

Now, before I went whole-hog, mocking that poor cable installer (and his supervisor) in a public forum, I double-checked. I consulted Joe Kane, creator of the Digital Video Essentials home-theater setup DVD that I reviewed in today's Circuits. I also called the cable-box manufacturer, Scientific Atlanta. Both said it's totally fine to connect both outputs of the box simultaneously.

I guess the old saying is true: If you're going to live at the cutting edge, you better expect to bleed a little.